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About Calgary

Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Now, let me tell ya, I ain't shy ‘bout my fav secret spot – the hidden garden off Rusty Lane. It's a snug lil' nook with vines and vibrant colours, like a scene straight outta Moulin Rouge! I mean, sometimes I swear the roses sing “Sparkle and shine” while I’m meditatin’ there. I'm obsessed!

SIMPSON, Dillon